She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
a search helicopter?!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
