From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He felt like a one man threesome
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
