a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
