what day is it and did you see me today?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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