dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
