Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
