well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
