i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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