Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
