btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We're using joints as your birthday candles
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize