Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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