You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
