You made me cry and you don't even care
literally had 100 drinks last night.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
