Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
