my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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