i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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