Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
