He uses pillows to masturbate.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Randomize
