More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
