Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
