i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
