I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i came on her dog
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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