FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
foreskin is a definite game changer
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
