How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
