Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
