Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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