You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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