My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
