Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
