As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize