I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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