A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
