I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
being pregnant is like rehab
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
