Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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