I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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