Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
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