i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
