I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize