We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
