Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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