For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
