I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
