I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
