I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
