I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
