life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
