Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
