i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
