His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
