You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
