if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
