i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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