My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
