Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
