apparently the secret to your success is patron
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
