Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Even my vagina gasped.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
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