All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
soo... how was my night?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
