I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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