im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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