I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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