I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
