Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
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