If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
