The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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