i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
