I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
