I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
