i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
