o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
