apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
