first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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